May 2009


It seems to me that the best kept (or not so best kept) secret of life is to be confident. Whether it’s during a job interview, learning to ski, trying to get a date, and even in artistic endeavors, it all seems to boil down to confidence. And not necessarily honest confidence; it seems that even faux confidence put on as an act will work just as well. 

But how do you balance even faux confidence and humility? Arrogance is off-putting; meek to self-consciousness is self defeating. It seems that finding that right balance and maintaining it is one of the hardest challenges a person can face. But then, it’s those who seem to care the least about confidence who come across as the proof of its success. The less you worry about it, the more confident and content you become. 

For me, the idea of confidence plays most strongly in the fiction writing field. I finished reading SELF-EDITING FOR FICTION WRITERS by Renni Browne and Dave King* a little while ago, and it struck me that so many of the common errors writers make seem to stem from self-consciousness. Whether it’s over-describing characters (she was exactly five feet, two and a quarter inches tall, with blond-red streaked hair falling in one stiff sweep of right-tilting bangs from her left eyebrow down to the lower right of her heart-shaped face) because the author feels the need to control what the reader sees and fears they won’t see a given character the same way, or telling when you should be showing, or using too many words, or relying too heavily on adverbs (I added wearily, knowing that the adverb thing has been beaten to an unjust and early grave), or explaining huge passages of back story via dialogue between two characters who already know everything… I could go on. The point is, writing seems to either succeed or fail due to the author’s confidence. Editing is for taking the self-consciousness out of the rough draft, and making the next seem more confident and more professional.

Likewise, my experience reading short fiction submissions for Apex has shown that over-confidence can be just as detrimental. Over-confidence seems to lead to verbosity (everything I say is vitally important, and you should sludge through it all), an affected and overly dramatic writing style, under-description (you should know what’s in my head), and condescension toward the reader. Also, not promising. 

It seems to me that the stories which get accepted and do well are stories which have that undeniable confidence. They’re telling you a story, and while you may not necessarily love the story they have to tell, it’s hard to argue that these tales feel professional. 

What interests me the most is that the stories I love, the stories I read in the slush pile and go “OH YEAH! WE GOT A WINNER!” ooze that authorial confidence. I feel like the author knows what they’re doing. It helps if the manuscript is obviously edited and formatted properly, but the charisma of confidence comes through on top of that. I sort of wonder if it doesn’t have to do with the selection of the authorial voice. 

Authorial voice makes all the difference between banging your head into a wall trying to get a single page out or writing a few paragraphs at the drop of a hat with ease and relative pleasure. The right voice tells the story itself without needing to be forced, and the right voice can make an amateur idea blossom into a very professional-reading tale (even if the idea is still a little weak). A good voice breathes confidence and clarity.

And I think this is what I find missing so often in stories we’ve passed on at Apex: a nervous author writes in an unsteady or weak voice. They’re hesitant, second-guessing. A manuscript that reads like a pro wrote it (I say “like a pro wrote it” because very often it isn’t a pro at all, though someday the author might be) are the ones with a definitive voice. They know the story, they’re just relating it to you as best they can. But it feels real. 

Now if only I could find that confidence myself so that it will carry through in my own writing! ^_^

*SELF EDITING FOR FICTION WRITERS–A Note: I highly recommend this book. I’m a bit mule-headed when it comes to being told how to do anything, so I usually avoid most how-to-write books if only to keep myself from putting up walls against potentially helpful suggestions (though I usually have to reinvent the wheel just to learn the importance of such advice). However, this one works for me. First, it’s not about “how to write”, it’s about “how to edit”. It approaches drafting in a completely different and–for me–compelling way. Its explanations are clear and logical, and while I never agree with absolutely everything a how-to book suggests, I found their sections on “show don’t tell” and adverbs very, very useful, if only because they don’t outright vilify any one technique (they never say “never do this”).

So I’ve always heard that you’re supposed to exercise for at least an hour three times a week. For those of you who know me, you are likely to know that I’m a pretty sedentary person. It’s not always by choice: at work, I sit at the front desk and do computer work all day; during my lunch break, I write fiction (on my laptop, and therefore sitting down again); when I get home, I have submissions to do or email to check or general internet-based things to do; I play video games (sitting, no Wii yet); I blog; I read; I paint (at least this I do standing up); I cook (again, standing); and then I go to bed. There’s barely enough time in the day to get done everything I want to get done, much less make time to exercise. I’ve been at least temporarily blessed with a really high metabolism, so weight-loss/weight-control hasn’t really been a motivator. It embarrasses me when I go for a hike and realize how out of shape I am, but when do I have the time to be otherwise?

Well, at 5 in the morning, apparently. That’s when Andy and I haul our butts out of bed to go walk. Now, I recognize that some of you may scoff at “walking” as exercise, but my 80+ year old grandparents have always been dedicated walkers, not gym people, and they’re in great shape. My grandfather is a speed demon. It’s also a lot easier on my knees to do really brisk walking than to jog. Besides, I’m looking for some general stamina; I’m not planning on running any marathons, thanks very much. I’m talking about being in basic good shape.

So we’ve started walking bright and early, first thing in the morning. I’ll probably switch to something indoors when winter rolls around again, because it’s only due to the notable sunlight that I can even budge from bed this early. But I’ve already noticed a huge improvement. I feel more awake, more conscious, and more healthy overall. It may all be in my head, but I don’t particularly care. I’m getting more exercise now than I usually do. ^_^

 Writing Stuff: (more…)

Here’s my problem: there’s only one of me. Or, in more pragmatic terms since I do not for a moment abide by the idea that “clones” would be any different from long-lost identical twins (and identical twins are often very different in their tastes, preferences, skills, etc.), my problem is that there simply isn’t enough time in a day, a week, a month, or a lifetime. OR, in far more realistic terms: my numerous interests and the desire to do everything, try everything is severely compromised by my unwillingness to cram my agenda so full that I don’t have time to simply sit and be every so often. In other words, I have a very strong and stubborn lazy streak in my personality that reacts violently to over-stimulation, causing an excess of stress and grumpiness. 

This makes life challenging. (more…)

Today we took a trip with Kaku to Silver Falls State Park just outside of Salem, Oregon. We’d been planning this trip for a while, but the weekend weather and other plans always seemed to get in the way. But we planned ahead this time to make sure the weather was good and that we were all free. 

It was a great trip. The weather was perfect, and the hike was pretty easy. (I say “pretty easy” because I’m horribly out of shape, and one of the up-hill patches was a little tough for me. Resolution: get in shape.) First, we headed to the South Falls. Before we got there, however, we took a brief detour to Frenchie Falls. As you can tell, Andrew and Kaku were far from impressed by what they called “The Surrender-Monkey Falls”:

SurrenderMonkeyFallsUnimpressed_SMF

 

 

 

The South Falls were a little more in size with what we wanted to see. It had a nice path that lead behind the falls, and on that path, you could see all the erosion “chimneys” where water had worn away at the rock.

SouthFalls

erosionchimney

 

 

 

We followed that path and joined up with the Canyon Trail, which we took to the Lower South Falls. The Lower South Falls are a little shorter, but much wider than South Falls. The walk behind this falls was pretty flooded, so we had to do a little jumping to get by. 

Lower South FallsLowerSouthFalls2

Then we hiked up Maple Ridge Trail back to the parking lot and from there drove over to North Falls. If we’d had more time, we might have hiked it, but since we didn’t get to the park until about 2:30, and still wanted to get home for pizza-making, we decided to utilize our modern amenities. Didn’t bring my camera for North Falls, which is too bad, because it was nice and tall. It reminded me of Richenbach Falls in Switzerland.

And now we’re back, making pizza! Later, we’re going to head to The Wooden Chicken for some cocktails. ^_^

Kitty_Screen

Now that’s what I call a sun worshipper. Just can’t get close enough. ^_^

Speaking of cats! Went out last night with friends for gelato at Staccato Gelato. I don’t know if I’ve ever had real gelato before, so I thought it was pretty tasty (especially the zingy Blood Orange flavor! Mmmm…), though Andy says he likes more ice creamy gelato, and this was a little more icy than creamy.  Still, the fruity flavors were yummy in my tummy. ^_^

But as for the cat! There’s a random cat who hangs out at Staccato Gelato. He’s such a sweet, lazy cat, and is totally unfazed by all the people around him. It’s like the shop is his own personal little kingdom, filled with all his admirers. And he’s certainly not short of admirers! ^_^ I wish I’d had my camera… And isn’t that *why* we got a little snapshot camera in the first place?

WIWO_Meltdown1

I’ve determined that I have an emotionally abusive relationship with my muse. 

Writing Stuff:

Yesterday evening was a stupid evening. I think the inspiration center of my brain (open M-W 10AM-2PM, Th-F 8AM-11AM, closed S/Sun/and whenever the heck it feels like it) and the anxiety center of my brain (24/7/365–always there when you don’t need it!) are in the same grimy strip mall I call a mind. It seemed like any and all hope of ever writing anything half-way decent was crushed to crap by my own twisted logic. It was *lovely* I assure you. Hence, the above doodle.

This afternoon, during my lunch break, I resolved–still aching from the self-inflicted emo-blows of last night–to not worry about getting anything accomplished. Instead, I would only try *not* to worry. It was the voice of my protagonist which was throwing me into agonies, so I figured a little mindless, unproductive practice couldn’t hurt. As an exercise, I did this: Try to write the story of The Three Little Pigs in the protagonist’s voice. How would she tell the story? 

It worked.

500+ painstaking words on the second section of “THE UNTITLED NOVEL PROJECT” to now be nicknamed “DARK MATTER” because that was the original title way back when, and that’s how I refer to it in my head and in my notes/saves. And they’re not horrible. In fact, since I finished reading THE TERRIBLE HOURS last night, I really dug into the whole submarine rescue stuff. 

Note: I just spared you from yet another attempt at my being “cute”. You can pay me back later.

Went out for hotwings tonight at Buffalo Wild Wings! Mmm… Wings… I am horrible at eating wings. I hate veins, and I’m always so nervous about getting one that I pick at the tiny bits of meat like a cat with no teeth. It’s more like licking. I usually get a wing to the point of having a hole in the middle of two still very obscured bones before I pass it off to Andy, who cleans the bones to saintly relics. I do, however, love boneless “wings”. Plus, the messiness of wings compliments my already pitifully messy style of eating. (It doesn’t matter how hard I try to be neat! In fact, the more I try, the more I spill, smear, drip, and smudge!)

Also got my starting allotment of Apex Book Company novel submissions in my inbox today. It’s amazing how much I missed getting actual, non-spam mail! I really like being able to spend the time on a single story, so I think I’m going to enjoy this new submissions role. 

Writing Stuff:

Got 600+ words of the second chapter of the “UNTITLED NOVEL PROJECT”. I really do worry that I over-think waaaaaaaay too much. Still trying to decide if I like those 600+ words, or if I want to approach the scene in a different way. I worry a little bit that I’ve introduced too many characters too fast in this second scene, when really the focus needs to be on my heroine and my heroine alone. Then again, who she is is intricately connected to how other people see her and the face she puts toward them, so perhaps it’s the right place to start after all.

Don’t know. I’ll re-read it tomorrow and if it sticks, it sticks, and if not, then back to the drawing board for this chapter. I can’t bear to follow up Chapter 1, which feels so strong to me, with a blatantly weaker chapter simply because I can. And I know I can write in her voice, because I’ve got two pretty solid scenes which tell me I can. Just need to loosen up and find the groove, baby.

Need to plan out my to-do list again. This whole last month’s been both really productive and a complete wash. Novel Progress = GOOD! Short Work Progress = BAD! When I get my crap together, I’ll post the list on here so I’ll at least have to answer to this blog if I slack off or get diverted.

So this weekend has been pretty darn good! Had friends over for dinner and a movie on Friday, then Saturday we just relaxed around the house, and today we got done a lot of the stuff we were supposed to get done! So hooray for productivity! We also took a walk down Marine drive, right along side the Columbia River. It was so lovely there, and surprisingly quiet for one of the nicest days we’ve had this spring. Saw the house boats on the river, and enjoyed the briny breeze coming off the water. Not quite sure why it smelled so salty, since I think it’s a freshwater river… I could be wrong, though–I don’t know much specifically about the river. 

A good, relaxing weekend though, which I definitely needed. 

Writing Stuff:

So the “UNTITLED NOVEL PROJECT” has taken on a little two-steps-forward, one-step-back kind of rhythm, which strangely is working for me. Progress is being made, even though I often go back and take out or rewrite sections. This weekend, in a tour de force, I rewrote the entire first two scenes and added the third. While the original two scenes I had from before were tolerable, these new ones capture the feel I was going for so. much. better. It’s more suave, more debonaire. It’s much more smooth in thought and word. I think the POV character for these scenes comes off much stronger now.

On the one-step-back side, I spent an hour or so hammering out 1,500+ words of the beginning of the second chapter, only to realize that I couldn’t use the POV from the first chapter. With that character as established as he is in those sections, there’s really nothing else to elaborate on once he meets my protagonist. What I need, I realized after writing it, is to now engage in the POV of my protagonist and let her carry this scene. It makes more practical sense anyway, since she’s the only character of the three who knows everyone by name (she knows the name of her captain and of her brother, whereas they are unfamiliar with each other). Plus, now that she’s been hinted at from one particular perspective, I’d like to see how she comes off when the reader gets into her own head. It should provide a second interpretation of the antagonist, also.

So we’ll just wait and see where that goes! But overall, I’m pleased with it. Liberally humoring myself whenever I feel like a section just doesn’t “do it” for me. As long as progress is being made, and as long as I’m happy with what I have, I’m going to do my best not to brood too much on it.

WIWO_Monkeys

Also, monkeys are hard to draw.

Writing Stuff:

+ 900 words on the “UNTITLED NOVEL PROJECT” from the beginning–shock of shocks! Figured out I was mixing up the hero and the main character. Problem solved! ^_^ <–proud of myself face.

Made vegetarian “sushi” today for dinner! Check it out:

Yummy!

Also, the STAR TREK movie review will be up on the Apex blog tomorrow.  

Writing Stuff:

Measly 200-odd words on the “UNTITLED NOVEL PROJECT”. Seems like just writing whatever scenes hit me is working better than trying to force it in a linear motion, though I would like some semblance of order in the long run. Maybe I’ll try flash-card scenes this time, so I can write the individual scenes randomly…

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